MEMORIES

Well, I'm here on the front porch again. Sitting back enjoying a beautiful sunset, a little cool, but an absolutely amazing sky. The kind of beauty that makes one stop and 'smell the roses' if there were any blooming at this time of year. Nevertheless, this kind of beauty does allow me, and hopefully others, to stop and thank God for a pretty amazing world He has fashioned for us. I am finding myself slipping more and more into these special moments that really kinda of take my breath away. I will be walking down the hall at school and look into a little boy's face and remember my own sons as little boys, riding bicycles, playing ball, playing games. I see those two little guys now stand tall and strong as fathers and leaders in their own ministries. I see those little girls with dark hair tied with ribbons and bows, giggling excitedly about some secret they are sharing and think of my two daughters who have blossomed into incredible, strong women of God. I look into those big eyes filled with wonder and such great potential and thank God for the incredible men and women of God He has sent into my life. I find that when God does allow a memory or two of a special time with family, perhaps a celebration, a trip, a dinner together or just sitting around on the front porch enjoying each other's company, there is an overwhelming sense of joy and peace . When this happens, I pause, and I can feel a big huge smile spreading across my face. I am also amazed as to how I got such an incredible job assignment.

These are tender, bittersweet moments. Times I reflect on God's power, presence and provisions He has so bountifully blessed my family with. It is unexpected and at times overwhelming, what can sweep my thoughts into these little pockets of packed away memories. I have heard that every thing that has happened to us, been said to us, is recorded-somewhere- in the brain. It is believed to be there-dormant-just waiting for the right nerve impulse to bring it back to life. This is awesome on many levels. It is great for all those 'hallmark' memories we have. But what about those raw, down and dirty moments in our lives when things are said and done in a heated moment of frustration and anger? Ah, those wicked 'sticks and stones" moments. I am overhwhelmed with sadness when I recall those moments when I have been on the delivery end of 'words' that hurt more than sticks and stones ever could. I come from a fiery Irish, German, English background. It's a background of harshness, yelling, and speaking your mind and unfortunately, holding grudges. It was not a pleasant place to dwell. I have had to surrender myself to the healing, cleansing power of the Holy Spirit in order to 'bind up wounds', clean out my closet of mindsets, and surrender to NOT having the 'last word'. Or if I insist that I must have the last word, at least let it be, "I'm sorry". I think I have mellowed some...but then I can feel the 'old woman' in me want to rise up and sprew out stuff...kinda like "old Faithful'. Unfortunately, some of that old stuff is still churning and turning in me-but I rejoice each time a piece of it comes to the surface-so the Holy Spirit can say to the Father-"Here's another strand of bitterness", and then the Father say to the Son, "Now, Son, "You can tenderly and with care scoop it out". After all, the Son loved me in spite of what He knew was deep inside. Loved me so much He died for me. Amazing.

In raising my four wonderful children, I know that through the years I made countless mistakes. I will be the first to shout, 'it's not easy being a parent!!' It is the hardest, scariest, bone chilling, mind boggling calling in the world! Yet, it is the most important calling any of us will ever have. I feel even more so for Christian parents. We are not only reproducing souls to be added to the Kingdom, but God entrusts in us the molding, shaping, teaching and training of these little ones. I find that as a parent, when I was in the midst of the molding and shaping, I didn't always realize the gravity of the assignment. It is only in the taking a memory sweep that I realize I was not prepared, nor equipped at all-for such an assignment. However, with the help of the Holy Spirit, my Heavenly Father and the Savior who died for me-I was used as an instrument, along with my husband, to help guide these men and women into the champions they are for God. Am I boasting? I think not, or if I do it is to give God the total, complete credit and honor. I am humbled by the thought that by His power He has used me in this assignment, and He has also blessed me....in spite of ..in spite of me...in spite of my weaknesses, in spite of my failings...in spite of my shortcomings. In spite of....

So today, from my front porch to yours, in quoting a very talented song writer, Dottie Rambo, who is now on her Father's front porch....."roll back the curtain of memory now and them, show me where you brought me from and where I could have been, remember I'm human and humans forget, so remind me, remind me dear Lord'. Amen.